.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
