at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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