You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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