her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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