Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
