It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
