Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
