She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
