Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
