your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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