her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
