this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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