so explain again why im purple
no
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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