im about as happy as oj after his trial
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
