Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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