Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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