you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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