she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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