I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
