party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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