we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
