if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
