I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
