hotel room ftw
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
