In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
