if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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