i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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