I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
