Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
