You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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