How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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