OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
