I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
