She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
