Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
