Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
