My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
