on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations! We have a period
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
