He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How does it feel to date your dad?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
