I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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