when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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