The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
