Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize