Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
