You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
