Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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