I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
