I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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