I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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