you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
