maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
