Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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