Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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