im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
