Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
