Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
