I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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