I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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