apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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