i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
