i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
