Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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