just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
